Reveal
“May you seek that which is hidden inside you…And may you…find a new path to run on.”
-Myself, Thirty-Three Months ago
I have spent the past ten days reviewing the contents of this domain and renovating aspects of the layout. Parts of me felt it was historical, something of the past, and should remain that way. That whatever new writings I create and share belong elsewhere. Yet it became obvious that leaving them untouched and continuing from where I am today was more faithful to the words I was reading and had written (what feels like) long ago.
A primary desire within my writing, no matter the style, is to learn more about myself and the life that I am living. Internal dialogue seems to let me down most of the time, so written words on pen and paper or the screen of a Dell computer offer a better mirror as to what’s likely going on inside of me.
Specifically the last two essays, and only essays of 2023, that I published revealed to me someone who was stuck in his current way of life and couldn’t liberate himself; even though he very much wanted to. Old methods stopped working, and despite my previous guidance to not become attached to any specific way of doing I stubbornly gripped on tighter. For over a year I stayed hidden in that darkness and wrote nothing at all; and it took over another year to emerge back out from it, ready to share my writing again.
Much of who went into the dark cave of confusion didn’t survive, as it often goes in stories. And, surprisingly and perhaps not so surprisingly, the person who walked back out feels more like me than I ever have. This is the great fact of revelation, although it is not easy. Only that which is truly real can really be revealed; and that which was never real is properly exposed and extradited. Certainly there is the option to stay hidden, and one could live their whole life that way and never realize they were living. But from my experience I would say that the cost of that is much greater than the cost of confronting what’s hidden inside the cave. It is essential that we come to a place where we realize not just that we are living a life — but that the life we are living is our own.
So today I am revealing my new resolve and my restoration of this practice. Today I am revealing that I have found something hidden inside my being, and found that it is nothing I can keep to myself and hope to keep at all. Today there is a new path that I am running on, and I have found others who are running it as well. I am no longer just cloistered within my life at home, but am a visible presence everywhere I go.